The Clipboard

   Following the death of anyone there are many details that have to be taken care of, such as, hospital and funeral associated items.  In the case of my 38 year-old son Ryan, who had no spouse or children, the responsibility of taking care of his home, business, and personal dealings fell to me. I was in such a state of shock and grief that I was in no way prepared to handle all of this.  In my "normal" life I am a very organized person.  It is the joke at my school that I stack, sort, color code, number and label everything.  I knew that I had to find a way to organize what had to be done so in my "fractured" state of mind I grabbed an old clipboard and starting putting the bills and "to do's" on it.  I would put the most pressing on top and work my way down.  I could only bear to complete one item per day.  Believe me, having to call and cancel your child's driver's license and social security card is not something any parent wants to do.

   Initially the clipboard was so full that I could barely get everything under the clip but as a few weeks then months passed, the stack got smaller.  One of my colleagues asked me how I was going to feel when the clipboard was empty.  That thought created an entirely new round of anxiety!  I realized that I never wanted the clipboard to be empty.  I need things on that clipboard !   I needed things on that clipboard that were positive and would create a lasting legacy for Ryan.

   When Ryan passed away people were so generous. I kept the donated money and began the Ryan Rorie Memorial scholarship.  There were decisions to make about how much, how and who we would award the scholarship to.  The clipboard became full once again until late that first spring when we awarded the first $1000 scholarship.   Panic struck again as the amount of papers on the clipboard dwindled.

   Then Lily's book, "A Fox in the Clouds" was born.  My granddaughter, Lily, is a budding artist and she had struggled with losing her Uncle Ryan.  As part of her grief therapy at school she had used her art to convey her feelings of grief and loss.  At the end of the school year she brought home a manila folder labeled, "my Uncle and me."  It was filled with her drawings of the family's reaction to loss.  We decided that it would be good for Lily and her brothers to put together a book of her artwork.  I headed to my daughter's home in Texas and set about finding out how to self publish books.   My clipboard was filled to capacity once again and I felt a sense of purpose.  We began to market the books with the proceeds going to the Ryan Rorie Memorial scholarship fund.

   Lily's book was followed by Ryan's biography, "My Heart's on the Other Side.  My daughter, Misty, and I worked for months  putting together Ryan's story.  The clipboard bulged with papers once again - notes, pictures, rough drafts, edits, copyright and ISBN number paperwork.    But as before, once the book was printed and our sales program was set up - there wasn't much left on the clipboard.  I was overcome once again with anxiety.

   Ryan was all about art - all kinds of art.  He was an actor, musician, photographer, he painted and sculpted.  He believed that everyone needed some form of self expression in their life.  Creating the Ryan Rorie Foundation, a non-profit charity, came next.   It came out of a memory that I had of a visit to LA a few years back.  While there, Ryan had pointed out to me, a center where youth and young adults could go to participate in art programs. He said that it was for at risk youth and it ran on donated funds.  Ryan was concerned about the number of youth living on the streets in LA and the suicide rate among these youth.  He felt that if these kids could learn an art form it might change their lives.  Pulling on that memory I began to research how to start a non-profit and all that it entails.  This has been one of the most difficult challenges that I have faced.  I have learned that it is not for the weak!  I have typed hundreds of papers to apply for incorporation, to receive 501(c)3 tax exempt status from the IRS, by-laws, indemnity clauses and so on.  My clipboard overflowed.  But as all tasks were completed the clipboard was getting empty.  BUT - our first major fundraiser had to be decided upon and carried out.  In my wildest dreams I never expected that our fundraiser would be so elaborate.  In all honesty, I was thinking of some small sale of some type of item;  making a few hundred dollars.  Not so. Ryan's friends form California do things on a much grander scale.  The Killer Cause event evolved.  Let me clarify something. Ryan's company and his stage name was Killer.  Not because of a murder but because he had met a young woman at an event a few years back whose nickname was Killer.  She was very quiet, seldom said a word, but when she did speak, it was something profound.  For this reason, her friends called her Killer.  Ryan was fascinated with her, hence naming his company Killer.  When throwing around names for our event Ryan's friend and our board member, Christel, came up with Killer Cause.  It was perfect.   We began planning the event and it has grown and grown.  What I once thought would be a   few hundred dollars fundraiser has turned into a few thousand dollars.  We even hired an advertising agency to promote our event!  We have a complete show lined up - a show that Ryan would have wanted to be a part of - and a silent auction that is filled with amazing items.  The people of Los Angeles, Hollywood and West Hollywood have been so generous.  My clipboard won't even fasten now.  It is filled with bid sheets for the auction.  Once the event is over we will be accepting requests from art centers for funding from the Ryan Rorie Foundation.  More items for the clipboard. 

   We have decided that we will make Killer Cause a yearly event.   In addition to this event, we will be hosting a fundraiser in Texas, as well as, a banquet and participation in Texas Giving Day.  My clipboard should be very filled with paperwork for the rest of my time here on Earth.  I will then pass the clipboard on to my daughter, Misty.  That clipboard represents to me Ryan's legacy and it's important to me that it continue on.