Easter

I didn't intend to blog today but sometimes things happen that I can't get off my mind and I need to write about them in order to move on.  I have past Easters on my mind.  What a great time the kids and I would have celebrating.  We would get up early on Sunday morning for Sunrise Service, then go out for breakfast (that was a rare treat), then back to church.  Later we would go to my parent's farm where we would gather with the rest of my family for a big meal.  All the grandkids would hunt Easter eggs in my parent's yard and have a lot of fun.  After the kids got older and left home we didn't celebrate together - they had moved to other states so we would just talk on the phone or Skype.  I have tried not to let the holiday get me down but a couple of things happened that caused me to tear up.

Yesterday JC and I were having lunch at El Chico and I ran into an acquaintance that I hadn't seen in many years. He came and sat down next to me in the booth and asked how I was doing.  I told him that I was fine and he then said, "Shelley, how are you doing since you lost your boy?"  You see, he too lost a son six years ago and he knows the difference between doing OK heath wise and doing OK emotionally.  We talked about what it has been like for him.  We talked about the reality of it - we love our kids so much but as he put it, "We don't always gee and haw." (if you're country you will get that)  But - that doesn't make any difference in how much we love them and how much we grieve for them.  It's a loss that only parents who have experienced it can understand.  He told me that it does get easier but there will be times that it will hit you like a ton of bricks and bring you to your knees.  I was still feeling blue when I got home and trying to stay busy and keep my mind occupied.   I heard my cellphone  "ding" and saw that I had a text message from my brother, Bruce.  I opened it and it said, "Your tree bloomed" and he had attached four pictures.  The Junior High teachers gave me a weeping cherry tree when Ryan passed away and I decided to plant it at the cemetery, rather than our house. I had checked on it several times over the winter months and it was always "green" when I would scrape the bark.  I had been to the cemetery two weeks ago and it hadn't budded out so I was surprised to see the beautiful blooms on it. That it had bloomed over the Easter holiday lifted my spirits.  I felt like a was getting a message from Ryan.

After that, I thought I was doing "OK" until I heard my phone "ding" again.  This time it was a Facebook message from someone that I didn't know.  It was from a young man from Austin, Texas.  He sent me the saddest message - it brought me to tears.  It seems that he had met Ryan at the South by Southwest music festival in Austin a couple of years ago and they had gotten to be friends.  He said that he had been busy with work and hadn't been in touch with Ryan in quite awhile but had been thinking about him and tried to text him.  He received an error message so he went to Ryan's Facebook page to contact him.  He was shocked when he found that Ryan had passed away.  He was heartbroken and kept messaging me. I felt bad that he had to learn of Ryan's death that way and I ended up trying to comfort him.  It was very sad and upsetting.  He kept telling me what a nice guy that Ryan was and what a talented musician and artist that he was.  He said that he felt  grateful that he had gotten to meet and get to know Ryan. 

I don't know if other families have had  to go through similar things. Ryan was in an industry where you have a lot of acquaintances from far and wide.  We have heard from many people that we have never met or never before heard their names, but they all expressed their love for Ryan.  I keep hearing stories about something he had done - good things - that makes me happy. 

I will miss that phone call tomorrow.  If you are reading this - hug your kids if they are with you;  call them and tell them that you love them if you can't be with them.