The Tiger Mom versus the House Cat Mom

I have been reading excerpts from Amy Chua's book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and I have been both horrified and fascinated by her logic. If you haven't read it' there is an excerpt in the Wall Street Journal that you might check out. Amy Chua is a 48 year old Yale Law Professor, wife and mother of 2 teen daughters. Born in the United States, Chua is the daughter of immigrant Chinese parents who raised her by strict Chinese standards. She is married to a product of American upbringing, Jed Rubenfeld, who is also a Yale Law Professor.

In her book she talks about forcing her, then 7 year-old daughter, Lulu to practice the piano tune, "The Little White Donkey" for hours - no drinks of water - no bathroom breaks - nothing but practice until she got it right. I was horrified. I guess I would be a House Cat Mom. Both of my kids took lessons - all kinds of lessons - art, piano, trumpet, drums, gymnastics, taekwondo, and probably some more that I've long since forgotten. I don't remember ever making one of my kids continue practicing. I probably begged them to stop.

She also called one of her daughters "garbage" because she behaved disrespectfully. My kids probably were disrespectful a few times but I never called them garbage. I probably told them that Santa Claus was watching.

In yet another part of the book she threw a birthday card that her daughter had made her back at the daughter saying that she didn't want the card, that she deserved better than this. "So I reject this." I hung little cards with misspellings, finger prints and Elmer's Glue proudly on my refrigerator for all to see.

But, according to Amy Chua, this is why Americans are falling behind in education. She says that we don't expect enough from our children. She did not allow her daughters to have sleepovers, never accepted less than an A, required spelling and math drills daily, required violin and piano practice daily, no playdates, no tv, no computer games or even school plays. I have hosted my share of sleepovers, sat through countless school plays, endured the Nintendo games, Nickleodeon, Fraggle Rock, and on and on.

Now, how do our kids compare? One graduated from Hendrix with honors, the other decided to pursue home and hearth first and attend college later. Are they more or less happy than Amy Chua's kids? I can't say. But as I'm typing this I am looking at a little blue clay turtle. It sits on my desk and holds my paper clips - has for 27 years. It has little fingerprints all around it and it doesn't really look like a turtle - Ryan had to tell me what it was, because the tail got broken off on the bus ride home. On the bottom in squiggly 2nd grade writing, it say's RR, 2A. Amy Chua would have thrown that little turtle back at her child. I cherish my little turtle.

Amy Chua says that China is far surpassing our students and their economic growth is much higher because we are not practicing strict enough parenting skills. Maybe so, but how are they doing in the nurturing department? And, if China is so great, why did my college classes have so many Chinese students in them?

Amy Chua teaches law at Yale. Her students want to be there. Most of my students don't want to be there. I have learned that if you tell them they worked really hard that they will ask you for an even harder challenge. I don't have to throw work back at them or call them garbage to get them to try harder.

I might recommend that Amy Chua read "Love and Logic" by Dr. Charles Fay and "A Framework for Understanding Poverty" by Ruby Payne. It might help to "tame the tiger mom."

Expiration Date

I watch tv while I walk on my stairstepper and I frequently see a commercial for Cancer Treatment Centers of America in which this lady says that her doctor told her that there is no expiration date stamped on her anywhere. This got me to thinking about how I would live my life if I had an expiration date stamped on me. Would I enjoy life to the fullest, making the most of every second? Would I try to work hard and save to build up a sizable nest egg to leave for my family? Would I walk on the wild side? Or just live a simple life? Would I travel the world or be content to stay at home? Would I walk the straight and narrow all the way? Or not worry about it because I could repent and ask for forgiveness as the expiration date drew close? Would I take care of my health? (I'm always on the stairstepper when I see this commercial) Would I work out daily or just throw caution to the wind - after all I have the expiration date stamped on me. Why not just eat my favorite junk foods? I could buy every flavor of Ben and Jerry's and order potato chips by the case. What does it matter - I know my date? Uh oh! I just realized there's a hitch. Just because I know the expiration date, I don't know the quality of life that I would have. If I don't care for myself I could have a heart attack, high blood pressure, maybe suffer a stroke. Now I have to re-think all this. Say, I've been given an expiration date of 80 but I don't eat right, exercise, and avoid bad habits; what would those years be like? And say I did suffer an injury or illness that disabled me, would I still try to live a full life? Or just give up and bide my time until the expiration date? My mind goes in a whirlwind just trying to weigh the pros and cons! I think though, if pressed for an answer, I would try to live a good life (by my country girl standard of good); enjoy my family and friends, try to build a nest egg, take care of my physical and spiritual health, and try to leave a legacy as someone who always tried hard to make my little part of the world a better place for others.

My friend Webster

I've always been an avid reader. Because of my voracious need to read I have, what I think, is an expanded vocabulary. The dictionary has always been my companion. Growing up we had an old Funk and Wagnalls (remember Laugh In - look it up in your Funk and Wagnalls). I loved that old dictionary. It had a navy blue hard cover and the little half moon cutouts with gold embossed letters. It smelled like old books and was pretty worn but it held a wealth of knowledge. Any unfamiliar word that I came across in my reading could be found in the old F and W. I also had a prized Webster's notebook dictionary - the kind that are 3 hole punched to fit in school binders. I could underline and highlight in it without getting in trouble.
After I left home I bought a hardback Websters. It wasn't as nice as the old Funk and Wagnalls, but it soon became my good friend. I have relied on it's definitions for many years now and it has never let me down.
A few years ago I began to hear words in the news that I was unfamiliar with, the first that comes to mind was the term, rhetoric. This was back during the Clinton years. I looked it up in my Websters and found several variations of it, but finally understood what was meant by "political rhetoric." There was also another word, which I'm pretty sure I know the meaning of, that was in the news a lot during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Just let me say, if you don't know the definition of that word, you don't need to be having it. Hmmmmm. Now I found myself in the midst of daily news casts, internet news and written papers and magazines filled with words that are unfamiliar to me. Once again Webster has become my good friend. He gave me the definition of vitriol (translated - to cause pain), incendiary (to arouse strife), and several more words that have been used in the media lately. Webster lives on my end table now, beside the remote controls. I wish I didn't Webster anymore, but with the social and political climate of our country now I think he will be a constant companion.

Facebook

Three years ago I joined Facebook. It has been, for the most part, a positive experience. I have reconnected with many former classmates, former students, long lost friends, and relatives that I seldom see. And yes, I've made some errors in judgement. I accepted friend requests from current students, then later "unfriended" them, when I realized the error of my way. I accepted friend requests from people I don't know. When I received these friend requests, I thought maybe I had been acquainted with them at some point in my life and had just forgotten them. Turns out, some of these people are what I call facebook "creepers", and some just want to see how many friends that can get. Maybe there's a prize for the most facebook friends or something. Anyway, I once again had to "unfriend" some folks. Now I am more cautious about hitting the "accept" button. I have learned that people who are not on your "friends list" can still send you messages; sometimes unwanted ones. Some people use facebook as a political forum, some for religion. Some are just there - you know they read your posts, but they never post or comment or even hit the like button. I consider "unfriending" them, but never have. I, myself, just use facebook to talk. I like to talk. BUT, there are those you post "snarky" remarks about people who post the daily, mundane aspects of their lives. "Who cares about...." they say. Hmmmm I thought that's what Facebook was for - sort of a mini blog. Maybe I have been misled. There are those who tell me that I'm on Facebook too much, but if I skip a day or two posting, I get private messages from friends asking if I'm ok. As the saying goes; "you can't please everyone" so I will please myself and continue to post daily on facebook. If you don't like it, "unfriend" me or hide me. I will probably never know, I don't check my friends list numbers and never check to see who visited my profile.