I didn't intend to blog today but sometimes things happen
that I can't get off my mind and I need to write about them in order to move
on. I have past Easters on my mind. What a great time the kids and I would have
celebrating. We would get up early on
Sunday morning for Sunrise Service, then go out for breakfast (that was a rare
treat), then back to church. Later we
would go to my parent's farm where we would gather with the rest of my family
for a big meal. All the grandkids would
hunt Easter eggs in my parent's yard and have a lot of fun. After the kids got older and left home we
didn't celebrate together - they had moved to other states so we would just talk
on the phone or Skype. I have tried not
to let the holiday get me down but a couple of things happened that caused me to
tear up.
Yesterday JC and I were having lunch at El Chico and I ran
into an acquaintance that I hadn't seen in many years. He came and sat down next
to me in the booth and asked how I was doing.
I told him that I was fine and he then said, "Shelley, how are you doing
since you lost your boy?" You see, he
too lost a son six years ago and he knows the difference between doing OK heath
wise and doing OK emotionally. We talked
about what it has been like for him. We
talked about the reality of it - we love our kids so much but as he put it, "We
don't always gee and haw." (if you're country you will get that) But - that doesn't make any difference in how
much we love them and how much we grieve for them. It's a loss that only parents who have
experienced it can understand. He told
me that it does get easier but there will be times that it will hit you like a
ton of bricks and bring you to your knees.
I was still feeling blue when I got home and trying to stay busy and keep
my mind occupied. I heard my cellphone
"ding" and saw that I had a text message
from my brother, Bruce. I opened it and
it said, "Your tree bloomed" and he had attached four pictures. The Junior High teachers gave me a weeping
cherry tree when Ryan passed away and I decided to plant it at the cemetery,
rather than our house. I had checked on it several times over the winter months
and it was always "green" when I would scrape the bark. I had been to the cemetery two weeks ago and
it hadn't budded out so I was surprised to see the beautiful blooms on it. That
it had bloomed over the Easter holiday lifted my spirits. I felt like a was getting a message from
Ryan.
After that, I thought I was doing "OK" until I heard my phone
"ding" again. This time it was a Facebook message from someone that I didn't know. It was from a young man from Austin,
Texas. He sent me the saddest message -
it brought me to tears. It seems that he
had met Ryan at the South by Southwest music festival in Austin a couple of
years ago and they had gotten to be friends.
He said that he had been busy with work and hadn't been in touch with
Ryan in quite awhile but had been thinking about him and tried to text him. He received an error message so he went to
Ryan's Facebook page to contact him. He was shocked when he found that Ryan had
passed away. He was heartbroken and kept
messaging me. I felt bad that he had to learn of Ryan's death that way and I
ended up trying to comfort him. It was
very sad and upsetting. He kept telling
me what a nice guy that Ryan was and what a talented musician and artist that he
was. He said that he felt grateful that he had gotten to meet and get to
know Ryan.
I don't know if other families have had to go through similar things. Ryan was in an
industry where you have a lot of acquaintances from far and wide. We have heard from many people that we have
never met or never before heard their names, but they all expressed their love
for Ryan. I keep hearing stories about
something he had done - good things - that makes me happy.
I will miss that phone call tomorrow. If you are reading this - hug your kids if
they are with you; call them and tell
them that you love them if you can't be with them.